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00:00:20LISA Well I had to be here in this hospital if that answers your question.

00:00:25OFF CAMERA Yes, thank you. Can I get you a drink of water or something else to drink? Anything?



00:00:35LISA A drink isn’t going to convince me, right? You’re going to have to convince me.

00:00:40OFF CAMERA What is you want me to persuade you to do?

00:00:45LISA Going to rehab.

00:00:50OFF CAMERA What worries you about going to rehab?


00:01:00LISA Everything.

00:01:00OFF CAMERA Okay. I tell you what let’s go back a little bit and tell me about how you’re feeling today.

00:01:10LISA Scared.

00:01:15OFF CAMERA Can you tell me more about that feeling of being scared?

00:01:20LISA Well, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be what people say I am because if I say it and I’m not going to say it because I ain’t going to change. I can’t.

00:01:35OFF CAMERA What do people say you are?

00:01:40LISA And I’m not.

00:01:45OFF CAMERA What don’t you want to be?

00:01:45LISA An addict.

00:01:50OFF CAMERA Do you use drugs and alcohol?

00:01:50LISA Yeah sometimes I have a drink. You know with friends [inaudible] but it doesn’t matter. I’m in control.

00:02:00OFF CAMERA Do you feel in control now?

00:02:05LISA Maybe I could just get that drink [inaudible].

00:02:10OFF CAMERA Sure. Sure. Here you go.

00:02:15LISA Thank you.


00:02:30LISA You know what I just think I should leave.

00:02:30OFF CAMERA You keep saying you should leave. You said that earlier but do you really want to leave?

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00:02:40LISA No.

00:02:45OFF CAMERA Okay. Tell me why you are here.

00:02:45LISA Because I’m scared.

00:02:50OFF CAMERA You said that earlier. You think if you could — then I could figure out together why you’re scared and maybe we can come up to a plan. Up with a plan and if we do that, then maybe your fears will disappear.

00:03:05LISA No not these fears [inaudible] because it’s over.

00:03:10OFF CAMERA What’s over?

00:03:10LISA Everything. The business.

00:03:15OFF CAMERA What do you mean?

00:03:20LISA Jeremy.

00:03:25OFF CAMERA Who is Jeremy?

00:03:25LISA He’s my boyfriend. I saw him naked with Alisa [assumed spelling] with the same fucking name as me. We now have the same fucking boyfriend. In my office, he was screwing that fucking cunk.

00:03:45OFF CAMERA So you’re the one who caught Jeremy cheating?

00:03:55LISA Yeah. Cheating? Yeah that’s a clever word shrinks use.

00:04:05OFF CAMERA So you and Jeremy share an office?

00:04:05LISA Yeah we do commercials for local businesses, you know, build websites, that kind of stuff. We started a business together. He moved in with me.

00:04:15OFF CAMERA How long ago was that?

00:04:20LISA Nine months.

00:04:20OFF CAMERA Do you have any children?

00:04:20LISA Not with that fucking asshole.


00:04:30LISA I have a daughter, Sarah. Gosh, she’s beautiful. She stays with some friends. She’s not related to Jeremy, thank God.

00:04:45OFF CAMERA And where are you staying?

00:04:45LISA I’m renting a place far away from here. You know I ran down to the bank to empty both our bank accounts.

00:04:55OFF CAMERA Business accounts?

00:04:55LISA Yeah. And do you know that asshole has been draining them for 4 months? I swear.

00:05:05OFF CAMERA Taking money out of your account without your knowledge.

00:05:05LISA Yeah. For his buys.

00:05:10OFF CAMERA Buys?

00:05:10LISA Yeah, to payoff his debts with my money.

00:05:20OFF CAMERA Or crack cocaine?

00:05:25LISA Yeah for crack.

00:05:25OFF CAMERA How long have you know he’s been smoking crack?

00:05:30LISA Ever since I saw him with that — every since I saw with her naked. The both of them naked.

00:05:40OFF CAMERA What was that like seeing Jeremy and Alisa naked and smoking crack?

00:05:40LISA Well have you ever seen someone you love naked smoking crack?

00:05:45OFF CAMERA No.

00:05:50LISA Yeah no I didn’t think so.

00:05:50OFF CAMERA So what has that been like for you knowing Jeremy’s smoking crack?

00:05:55LISA Well, I’ve never seen him do drugs before. You know he drinks a lot, smokes weed, but crack cocaine. I mean God have mercy.

00:06:15OFF CAMERA What are you thinking about?

00:06:20LISA Everyone’s going to know.

00:06:25OFF CAMERA Know what?

00:06:30LISA That I was getting high to stay in this hospital and get cleaned up.

00:06:35OFF CAMERA You mean rather than go to rehab.

00:06:40LISA Rehab, man they’re fucking dirty places and I’m sick and tired of dirty places.

00:06:45OFF CAMERA No, no, no this rehab place is very clean. I’ve seen it. There are a lot of nice people there. People who feel like they get much better help than here in the hospital. In fact, I can call someone for you and let you talk with them.

00:06:55LISA No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, don’t do that.

00:07:00OFF CAMERA You’re really fearful of going to rehab.

00:07:05LISA Well if everyone finds out that I’ve been to rehab, I won’t get a job. I won’t be hired anyway.

00:07:10OFF CAMERA Plus if people are fearful of the stigma and fearful of what people will think of them.

00:07:20LISA Yeah, but he says that I’m not addicted. It’s just — you know something wrong with my personality.

00:07:25OFF CAMERA Who says there’s something wrong with your personality?

00:07:30LISA Jeremy.

00:07:30OFF CAMERA When did he tell you that?

00:07:35LISA Lots of times.

00:07:35OFF CAMERA I thought you said you and Jeremy split up after you caught him cheating.

00:07:40LISA I —

00:07:45OFF CAMERA It’s okay. Take your time.

00:07:50LISA Well yeah he moved back in.

00:07:50OFF CAMERA Into your new home?

00:07:55LISA Yeah. What changed that you two decided to get back together?

00:08:00OFF CAMERA Well he said he was sorry and he begged me. He’s done it before so I took him back.

00:08:10LISA And how has that been being back with Jeremy?

00:08:15OFF CAMERA Well I love Jeremy. I do and don’t want to go out and find another boyfriend. I mean we lost 80,000 dollars on that business. And he promised me that he would make it all back.

00:08:30LISA So is that why you took him back? Has Jeremy continued smoking crack?

00:08:45OFF CAMERA Yeah a little but he’s not addicted. He says that it calms him down. Me too.

00:09:05LISA You too?

00:09:05OFF CAMERA So do you smoke crack with Jeremy?

00:09:15LISA Yeah we — he made me try it.


00:09:30[ Crying ]

00:09:40LISA And then he tried just once. We did it together. [Inaudible] I could.

00:09:55[ Crying ]

00:10:00LISA Hit me like a bullet. And it felt so good. I felt so good. And real fast.


00:10:25LISA Have you ever felt like you were dancing with butterflies?

00:10:30OFF CAMERA Dancing with butterflies? No I have not.


00:10:45LISA But he says it’s not addictive, Jeremy.

00:10:50OFF CAMERA What do you think?

00:10:55LISA Well I know I can’t get enough.

00:11:00[ Crying ]

00:11:10LISA And I know I don’t want to go back to feeling horrible again because when I don’t smoke it I get worse. And when I have it, I feel good. And then it’s gone. And then I know that I’m going to be needing another hit.

00:11:45OFF CAMERA That sounds a lot like addiction.

00:11:55LISA Yeah but I know I don’t want it to be.

00:12:00OFF CAMERA It sounds like you are very scared of getting help and yet at the same very time, it sounds like you know you need that help.

00:12:15LISA I know I don’t need help. I don’t need anything. Jeremy promised me that everything is going to be okay. And when you love someone like I do, you got to believe him. Right?



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